What is BDSM?

 

You’ve probably heard about it in some erotic books that have been popular for a while. However, it is important to say that this saga is not in the image of what the BDSM is in reality and that is why I want to demystify here this little-known sub-culture.

* The masculine will be used for the purpose of lightening the text

It is important to mention that about 10% of people have BDSM practices, and that there is not a typical profile. They are ordinary people, like you and me. Non-BDSM practices are more like “vanilla”. Some people live BDSM at all times, so-called 24/7. Others focus only their intimacy and sexuality on this practice. Still others practice BDSM from time to time, in addition to having vanilla practices. In short, each person chooses his level of practice and whether it becomes more a way of life or an occasional practice. It’s a way to add excitement, to test one’s limits, to challenge oneself and, above all, to test one’s trust in the other. Moreover, BDSM does not only revolve around sex, as will be explained later. And moments of intimacy or sexuality are called games or scenes.

BDSM is practiced at home, between consenting adults. Sometimes, some people will create a dungeon (room dedicated to BDSM, with all the toys, instruments and precautions required) at home and receive followers chosen in this private place. BDSM is also practiced during more libertine parties, to the general public, where people will be received in a larger dungeon. These evenings, although open to more people, are very selective and very safe. Security guards are ready to take out people who do not comply with the rules. A dress code is required and consent must be requested at all times, whether to watch or participate. There is no room for judgment on nationality, gender, sex, sexual orientation and position (dominant, submissive or both) of people.

What do the letters BDSM mean? This acronym is not chosen at random … BD refers to bondage and discipline. Bondage is the act of attaching or restricting movements by bondage with ropes, handcuffs, a corset, a lock bag, a latex suit or a cage. Discipline refers to obeying one’s master or dominant. Thus, if the subject disobeys in any way whatsoever (verbally, physically, psychologically, monetarily), he will be punished by a consequence that has been predetermined between the two parties. It can be flogged, beaten, deprived of sex, forbidden to masturbate for a week, forced to wear a chastity belt / penis cage, etc.

The DS refers to the dominant-submissive relationship. The dominant-submissive relationship is a special relationship. It is governed by a contract between the two people, which must state their needs, their desires and their limits. Contrary to what one might think, the subject has the decision-making power to end the scene or the game at any time, using a safety word that will be stated as needed. This relationship is one of trust, since everyone will test their limits during exchanges. This is why one must be constantly sure to respect the other and to be on the lookout, and to verbalize when something is wrong. This relationship can be destructive if it is misunderstood or if the basics are fragile: the BDSM can go play in someone’s head.

Finally, the SM refers to the sadomasochistic component. Pain in BDSM is the tool that boosts pleasure, makes it reach orgasm. It is something sought after, subtle, that goes up gradually. Whether to punish a submissive or to give him an orgasm, the pain is used to get closer between dominant-submissive and strengthen the bonds that unite the two partners. It creates endorphin, adrenaline and therefore a sensation that makes you hover. It is expected and desired, anticipated and planned. There are as many ways to practice BDSM as couples of different partners and all are equal. Everyone has to gravitate around the three axes so named to build a relationship that meets the wishes of both partners.

Another important point: do not get into the BDSM that wants. This could be dangerous, especially from a physical point of view. There are courses whose purpose is to learn to handle the various instruments, because it is easy to hurt his partner. Some places are very sensitive and should be avoided. Same thing for bondage: you have to know how to tie your partner (because it’s an art!) To avoid cutting off traffic, which could lead to serious injury or even loss of limbs. The Community Center for Alternative Lifestyles (https://fetlifenetwork.com) offers very good workshops to become familiar with the BDSM universe. There are also other precautions to take, including protection, how to maintain toys and equipment. It also avoids mixing drugs or alcohol and gambling, which could be very unhealthy, because under the influence of substances, we lose knowledge of our limits. Finally, you never leave a person immobilized or attached unattended, the risk that it causes discomfort.

After the practices, there is a session of hugs, caresses and discussions. Often, people feel vulnerable and this allows us to focus on how things have gone and come down from that rush of hormones that makes you hover.

This article is therefore only a tiny glimpse of this universe which is quite complex and diversified and whose rules are created between willing partners. If you ever want to know more, the CCVA can answer your questions. You can also browse the different blogs available on the subject or visit FetLife to talk to people who have BDSM practices. It is also important to inform you via books, films, conferences, blogs, workshops … Good discovery!